Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind... Romans 12:2
by Tedd Tripp
Shepherd Press, 1995
233 pages
Reviewed by Garry Vanderveen
This book is a marvellous resource for child training. Tripp is to be commended for not succumbing to the modern psychobabble that permeates most child training manuals today. For instance, he has the audacity to defend the use of that much maligned and abused implement, the rod. Why does he defend such an archaic and unscientific practice, you ask? Because of his commitment to the Bible! Instead of looking to the wisdom of man, Tripp attempts to build his house upon the sure Word. He explicitly states that the Bible is sufficient for parenting:
[The Bible] presents an accurate and comprehensive picture of children, parents, family life, values, training, nurturing, discipline—all you need to be equipped for the task of parenting (pg. 13).
This book can be divided into two main categories. First, Tripp deals with the goals of child rearing: What is the purpose of training our children? What should we expect them to look like as adults? Second, Tripp deals with methods: How do I discipline? How do I communicate with my children? What should repentance look like?
Tripp believes that child training cannot be reduced to a mere formula. Because we live in a fast food culture, an impatient society, a world that expects quick and enormous dividends on small investments, we tend to want a paint-by-number approach to child training. "Give me the three step formula or the twelve point program, and I'll be on my way." But raising children demands much more. It takes time, wisdom, patience, and sweat. Training the next generation is not for the weak of heart.
Tripp also warns against the idea of training the "well-behaved child." If we do everything "right" and our kids function well in society—they are stable, well educated and highly paid—and yet we do not impart to them a love for Jesus Christ, we have failed abominably. He writes:
Teaching your children to live for the glory of God must be your over-arching objective. You must teach your children that for them, as for all mankind, life is found in knowing and serving the true and living God. The only worthy goal for life is to glorify God and enjoy Him forever (pp. 76-77).
Child training must be Christ centred. We admonish our children because we want them to serve Jesus Christ as Lord. We punish our children because we want them to have a picture of the horrific consequences of sin. We want our children to repent and flee to the Saviour. We nurture our children in the faith because outside of Christ they are damned and have no hope at all.
Tripp spends much time giving godly advice on how to train children to live for Christ. Everything else—social skills, psychological adjustment, good behaviour, good education—must be subservient to this chief end.
I believe Tripp could have spent more time laying the covenant foundation for children rearing. God desires a godly seed, and so He established the institution of the family as the soil for this seed to germinate, bud, and flower. Faithful Christian parents need hope that their child training efforts will be fruitful. The world tells us that kids are a pain in the King James donkey, a curse from God. And indeed, many of the world's children are a curse. If you tell a child enough times that he is unwanted and don't prune his nasty habits, he will be an ugly tree. What else would you expect?
But the Bible gives hope to Christians. It is not that we can raise a faithful seed in our own strength. By nature, we are children of Adam. But praise be to God the Father, who in the fullness of time sent his Son by the power of the Spirit, that we might have all that we need for life and godliness! Because of Jesus' finished work, we can have confidence and great assurance that our child training efforts will be blessed and prosperous. We do not have to worry that our children will not turn out. They are not "vipers in diapers." They are children of the King of the universe. They belong to him. And the King has entrusted them into our care. Our only job is to rest in Jesus and be faithful to the covenant. "But the mercy of the Lord is from everlasting to everlasting on those who fear Him, and His righteousness to children's children, to such as keep His covenant, and to those who remember His commandments to do them" (Psalm 103:17-18; ESV — emphasis added).
If we trust in Jesus alone for our salvation, and we walk by the power of the Holy Spirit, God will bless us and give His righteousness to our children's children, to such as keep His covenant. Such are the wonderful promises of our glorious God! Is this presumption? No, it is evangelical faith. It is believing that God means what he says; His grace extends to a thousand generations of those who love him.
Despite Tripp's omission of an explicit covenantal foundation, I still highly recommend this book. It stands out as a high tower in the city of evangelicalism. I would suggest that you read it in conjunction with Doug Wilson's Standing on the Promises.
In conclusion, this book is a must-read for parents and future parents. It is an easy read. It is full of all kinds of practical suggestions. It is replete with gems and golden nuggets. Read it. Devour it. Practice it.
Return to Volume 9, Number 2.
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